You messed up! What now…

You messed up!  You said you weren’t going to do something and you did it again! Congratulations and join the club!  We’ve all been there.

Right now you are probably thinking you are the only one.  You are probably beating yourself up over it.  But you shouldn’t!

I’ll tell you right now that I am not surprised and that God is not surprised.  And God does not love you any less. And actually, He wouldn’t love you anymore if you had gone the rest of your life without porn or masturbating!  He can’t love you and me anymore than he already does! It’s not dependent on what we do or don’t do! Amazing!

For about 95% of guys it takes 6 months to 2 years to start a new healthy habit around sexual purity.  It all depends on each guy’s individual situation.  

So of course you messed up again! You’ve been training your brain for one habit for years and years and now you want to begin a new healthier habit.  It takes time.

They say it’s harder to kick a porn habit than cocaine!  I had no idea but it makes sense. The dopamine release isn’t as high as cocaine initially, but it stays higher longer than cocaine.  Porn is more accessible than cocaine. Even if you get rid of your phone, your computer, etc you can still “relapse” because the images live on in your brain.  So you can “relapse” virtually whenever you want.

But you should know that the ultimate goal is not to relapse.  The goal is complete freedom. And the only way to live in complete freedom is to live in reality. It’s so amazing once you get there, and you will! 

By clicking on the link to this page, you have already taken a step towards living in reality.  For many years, I wouldn’t have even clicked on the link…that was admitting that I had messed up!  I would try to move on from my mess up asap as if nothing had happened!

So great job! I’m not blowing smoke when I say you should be proud of yourself for even taking the small step of reading this page. You are one step closer to freedom!

My advice would be to use this as an opportunity. 

Here’s what I mean.

1. An opportunity to tell someone.  It’s hard to talk about our mess ups, especially when they just happened, but its so worth it! You can also post in the check-in forum, and its ok to do it anonymously. 

  • Do you have a friend you want to tell but you are not sure how they’ll respond?  Send then my e-book “What Do I Say? A quick on How to Respond When Your Friends Says They Look at Porn”

2. An opportunity to evaluate what happened.  We don’t build healthy habits by magically having more will power.  We build healthy habits by avoiding the triggers that lead us to do unhealthy habits.  We also identify the core root issue. Porn and masturbation isn’t the problem. It’s just a sympton. 

Keep going on the 30 Day Challenge.  You need to keep learning what it’s going to take to build a new healthy habit.   And once the 30 Day Challenge is over I recommend getting into a Freedom Fight group.  It was one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. 

P.S. Statistically you are going to mess up again. Do everything in your power to not mess up. But once you do, do everything in your power to tell someone.  You and I have an enemy that would love to see us keep it this stuff to ourselves!

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