This past year I was leading a group of guys going through The Freedom Fight.  These guys were committed to getting free. In one of our second or third meetings I asked the guys to imagine them relapsing in the coming weeks and then imagine being at our meeting the week after that.   “Would it be hard to tell the group that you messed up?”  

 

I waited for their response but I already knew the answer…definitely! These guys had already told the group their stories and declared that they were now going to get serious about getting free.  No one wants to admit a mess up.  

 

So the guys all admitted it would be hard.  I took it a step further though, and asked them what would happen if they confessed but then the following week they messed up again. Would it be even harder the next week and admit you had messed up for the 2nd week in a row?  Even harder! 

 

I took it a step past that.  What if you messed up 3 weeks in a row!?  How hard would it be to come in here for 3 weeks in a row and admit a mess up?  Hard! And I actually played the scenario out where they messed up for 4 weeks in a row.  Can you imagine the shame?

 

But I told the guys the thing they absolutely had to do was to come in here and tell the group.  This was not a group of condemnation but a group of encouragement. And the last thing these guys needed was to keep it to themselves.  I told them exactly what would happen if they admitted they messed up…we’d tell them “AMAZING! I know that took so much courage to share that! Way to go!

 

I told these young guys that I expected them to mess up.  These 20 year old guys had been looking at porn for the last 8 years at some of the most important years of their brain’s development.  You don’t rewire it overnight and you don’t rewire it just by declaring you are going to rewire it!

 

*If you are a church leader you need to know this so you can provide a culture where guys can admit messing up.  It’s up to each man to decide if he’s going to confess his sins, but we can help them out so much by providing a safe place to do it.*

 

Church leader: If guys are not confessing sins in your church or in your small groups, at some point you have to ask, what do I as the leader need to do different?

 

Watch today’s video Relapse and Reality and answer the questions!

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