Speaker 1:                           00:05                     [inaudible].

Speaker 2:                           00:07                     The Stockdale paradox is named after Admiral Jim Stockdale, who was a United States military officer, held captive for eight years during the Vietnam war. Jim Collins interviewed James Stockdale for his book, good to great in which he coined the name the Stockdale paradox. Admiral Stockdale was tortured more than 20 times by his captors and never had much reason to believe that he would survive the prison camp and someday get to see his wife again, and yet he never lost faith during his ordeal. I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which in retrospect I would not trade. Then comes the paradox. While Stockdale had remarkable faith in the unknowable, he noted that it was always the most optimistic of his prison mates who failed to make it out of their life.

Speaker 2:                           01:03                     They were the ones who said, we’re going to be out by Christmas, and Christmas would come and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, we’re going to be out by Easter, and Easter would come and Easter would go and then Thanksgiving and then it would be Christmas again, and they died of a broken heart. What the optimists failed to do was confront the reality of their situation. They preferred the ostrich approach, sticking their heads in the sand and hoping for the difficulties to go away. That self-delusion might’ve made it easier on them in the short term, but when they were eventually forced to face reality, it had become too much and they couldn’t handle it. Stockdale approached adversity with a very different mindset. He accepted the reality of his situation. He knew he was in hell, but rather than bury his head in the sand, he stepped up and did everything he could to lift the morale and prolong the lives of his fellow prisoners.

Speaker 2:                           01:59                     He created a tapping code so they could communicate with each other. He developed a milestone system that helped them deal with torture and he sent intelligence information to his wife hidden in the seemingly innocent letters he wrote. Collins and his team described the Stockdale paradox like so you must retain faith that you will prevail in the end regardless of the difficulties, and at the same time you must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be. This is a truth that allows people to overcome challenging situations and this mindset will help you overcome your addiction as well. There are at least two brutal facts that you must face related to your addiction. The first is sex addiction is one of the most difficult addictions to overcome it. Acquire the adoption of a new lifestyle, not just a few minor changes, anything less in recovery won’t happen, but some may object.

Speaker 2:                           03:01                     Can’t God just heal me instantly. Dr Ted Roberts, a spiritual leader who believes very much in the supernatural power of God to heal, says that in his experience of treating hundreds of men through the years, that only two to 8% of them have experienced the miracle of instant deliverance. He goes on to say that the rest have a miracle every day for months or years to gain freedom. God can do what he wants and apparently for the vast majority, God wants to use the process of recovery to grow and develop the whole person. God wants his children to renew their minds, surrender and humble their hearts, learn to process their emotions instead of medicating them, press into authentic relationships and deepen their identity in Christ to name a few. Don’t underestimate how God wants to use recovery to grow and develop you. The second brutal fact that must be faced is recovery is not a quick process.

Speaker 2:                           04:01                     The most optimistic sex addiction therapists say that the quickest recovery for porn addicts is six to 18 months. This would be a for a porn addict with little to no trauma dysfunction in their past, but for those who do have some of the background symptoms of the classic sex addict of trauma, dysfunction or abuse, then it can take up to two years or more. Another X factor for the length of recovery is the age they started and how long they’ve been using the susceptibility of the adolescent brain to porn. Addiction means the earlier one starts. Typically the deeper the addiction goes. These factors often lengthen the six to 18 month range needed for recovery. Everyone’s situation is different, which means the length of recovery is different, so don’t compare. These are the brutal facts that you must confront. If you’re going to find freedom, it will be more challenging than you think in all.

Speaker 2:                           04:59                     Probably take longer than you think. If you don’t have a do whatever it takes mentality, then your prospects for freedom are slim. Just know that this is a marathon and not a sprint. The brutal facts should increase your dependence on God and his supernatural strength so that you can say with the apostle Paul, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may dwell in me for when I am weak, then I am strong. When someone confronts the brutal facts, they become more committed to real change and not the superficial kind change must happen to obtain freedom, but all changes aren’t the same. First order change gives the illusion of change and can even have some results, but these changes don’t last. First. Order changes and attempt to control behavior by trying harder. It’s concrete action taken quickly to solve a problem.

Speaker 2:                           05:57                     As an example, you can go through the freedom fight, put up boundaries and get accountability, but you really aren’t internalizing the lessons you learn. You aren’t diligently practicing the principles of recovery and dealing with the root issues of the addiction. A very common scenario is that a man will get free from porn, but his fantasy life and masturbation are never put to death. So despite the changes and significant improvement, the unwanted sexual behavior was never completely dealt with. So the bondage remains and typically grows. This is because the changes weren’t changes of the second order. Second order change is required for lasting freedom. This kind of change happens when core beliefs are altered. Second order change takes place. As you establish new structures, new relationships, new convictions, and new practices in your life. This lasting change requires you to leave your comfort zone as you confessed to your accountability.

Speaker 2:                           06:57                     Invite friends to recovery group or make other lifestyle changes. But the problem was second order changes. It costs more than some are willing to pay. Dr Mark laser says healing is a lifetime journey. Not a onetime event. There is a direct correlation to the work that people put into their recovery and how permanent and stable the healing is. I have known men who have gone through a recovery group once and we’re still struggling, so they went through it again, but they still had areas of need, so they went through it a third time. This is the whatever it takes mentality that will be required to persevere in pursuing recovery. The old saying is definitely true when it comes to recovery. What you put into it is what you will get out of it. Allow your victory over your addiction to be one of the defining events of your life that God can use for good, both in you and through you to others. The brutal facts of addiction require you to put your whole heart and soul into recovery, but the payoff is so worth it.

Speaker 1:                           08:10                     [inaudible].

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