Speaker 1:                           00:00                     Hey guys, my name is will Stanfield and I’m excited to share with you guys some things that God has been teaching me. I’ve been on a committed path of recovery from porn and sex addiction for about four years now and I’ve been following Christ for about 10 years. Um, today I want to talk about shame. Um, the best way to understand what shame is is the first understand how it’s different from guilt. Guilt is I’ve done something bad. It’s the feeling you have after one instance of a behavior, but shame takes guilt and makes it more of an identity and it’s, it’s really kind of a result of some repetitive behaviors and it makes you believe that you are bad. Not that, not just that I have done something bad, but now I am bad and shame actually can cause a lot of destruction in our lives.

Speaker 1:                           00:44                     So I just want to bring our attention to a story where Jesus has interacted with a woman in John four, one through 42 and I think that we can learn a lot here about Jesus, his place in our shame and how he can free us from that. So the first thing I really want to point out is that Jesus validated this woman’s humanity read through the passage positive video. If you need to, to gain some context here, actually I would encourage you to do that posit right now, read through the passage and then come back and listen to these points. Pieces validated her humanity. Um, so we see here that she is alone at noon in the middle of the day as a woman drawing water from the well. This is dramatically different from the culture and she should be there with all the other ladies in the morning.

Speaker 1:                           01:27                     Um, Jesus is a Jew. She’s a Samarian, he’s a man, she’s a woman. There’s a lot of cultural barriers here that Jesus broke through just to simply relate to her as a human. Um, and I think this is really important just to first acknowledge that Jesus saw her as a human. He saw her as an image bearer of God and wanting to acknowledge her existence and validate her humanity. Secondly, Jesus loved her in her shame that he just simply wanted to be with her in this place in this moment, and that he didn’t run away or demean her or, or put her down or condemn her, but he loved her in this moment. And I think both of these things, we can see that I think it sets a precedent for how Jesus wants to interact with us as well. He just wants us to remember that we are made in the image of God, that we have worth and value as humans.

Speaker 1:                           02:17                     And he just wants to be with us in our shame and if we can let him have a place with us in our shame, he, he wants to do a load of work in our lives. And that’s what we begin to see here. Jesus helped her acknowledge her sin. Um, you know, they’re kind of talking and, and he’s like, Hey woman, where’s your husband? And she’s like, I don’t have one. And he’s like, that’s actually a really good point. You don’t have a husband. In fact, you had five husbands and the man you’re now with is not your husband. And she is astonished that this man knew everything about our life. And so in a sense, he did tell her what was true, but she had a chance to acknowledge her sin with Jesus. Um, and a lot of times we may feel that we can’t come acknowledge our sin with Jesus when he already knows everything that’s going on.

Speaker 1:                           03:06                     And maybe the most powerful thing is just to let Jesus interact with us and show us more of our sin and then to agree with him about our sin and experience the freedom to work that he wants to do in our lives, which is this next thing Jesus called her to worship him despite her sin and shame. So even see that she’s like, well, Hey, you must be a prophet. You know, you know, all these things. But also I kind of know that there’s this coming Christ, this coming Messiah, and Jesus says, you know, woman, this man about whom you’re speaking like I am, he and he identifies himself as Jesus Christ, the Messiah to her and in this place, in this space, in this moment where she is, he’s broken through all these barriers. He, he’s helped her acknowledge her sin. Um, he’s loving her in her shame.

Speaker 1:                           03:54                     He’s now calling her to worship him as lowered over her life and not to any longer bow to her sin and shame. I think Jesus can do the same work in our lives as well. And then lastly, I think this is the most impactful piece, is that the woman’s relationship with Jesus and her freedom from shame gave her freedom to impact others. I’ve seen this true in my own life. Four or so years ago when I was still rooted deeply in my own sin and shame and I was being secretive with others and God about my own sin. I did not have the freedom to impact others even though I was trying so hard to do so because I had a guilty conscience and I wasn’t letting Jesus into this space with me. But the more work he does in my life, the more freed up I feel to impact others.

Speaker 1:                           04:40                     And you see here, this is the most astonishing thing for the woman, that this man knew everything about her. And she, after this encounter went out into the city among these people whom she’s been ostracized and alienated from. And she’s out there proclaiming who Jesus is in her freedom. She has a clean conscience. She, she has been seen and known and loved by Jesus Christ himself. And he has freed her up to go out and bring others to himself. And I think that that that is the long game work of Christ in our own lives as we are pursuing freedom from our patterns of unwanted sexual behavior. Um, just a few questions. I want you all to engage again here. Pause this, write these questions down. I’m going to read through them really quick. I just want you to be thinking about this. What sin are you not confessing to God?

Men want to stop looking at porn, or overcoming porn or masturbation, because they know that looking at porn and mastrubating  can be a bad habit. They things like joining the no fap movement (nofap), covenant eyes, xxx church (xxxchurch), the freedom fight, pure desire, 7 pillars,  the conquer series, the endurance, 30 day challenge, fight the new drug, or a counselor. Sometimes these help guys with purity but sometimes it does not.

Speaker 1:                           05:30                     That’s the first place she was not able to really see Jesus for who he was until she was in a grievance with Christ about her sin. How is shame keeping you from living in the finished work of Christ? Who are you disconnected from because of shame. Shame is destructive in our lives and it brings us away from God and people when we’re supposed to love God in people. And so shame is actively keeping you from living out this, the cleansed conscience of the finished work of Jesus Christ. How would today be different if your identity was rooted in the gospel instead of shame? So you’ve probably learned now how to function in your daily life, in your own shame, but you’re, you’re probably not happy. Um, I know for a long time I wasn’t. I was distressed honestly. And so if you really can internalize the story in the work of Jesus in your own life and the possibility of freedom and the hope of the gospel, how would today be different?

Speaker 1:                           06:32                     If you really believe that the verdict about you is that you are innocent, there is no condemnation. Jesus is alive in you, you are crucified with Christ and Jesus is loving you in your sin and shame and God delights in you that you are beloved son of God. Um, just to simply engage these trues and to actually live those things out instead of living in your shame can make a world of difference. And who can you spend time with today to get the relational or community intimacy you need? Oftentimes our shame disconnects us from people. And sometimes you may be in friendships, but you may not be honest with your friends because you’re afraid they will reject you. And so in a sense, you really are not in good intimate friendship with those people because they don’t truly know you. So maybe who are some folks that you can let in, who are some people you can spend some time with just to get good, healthy connection with real life people.

Speaker 1:                           07:28                     And that may fill you up in a way so that you can step out of your sin and shame. And just a few things that I want you all to really spend some time doing. We’d a read this passage, read it again, and then really try to put yourself in the woman’s shoes and think about what it would feel like to meet with Jesus in person, in your deepest shame, internalize that. Envision what this encounter was like and then draw some parallels from this encounter to your own life. What would it be like if you really could meet with Jesus in the place where you feel the most alone, the most ashamed, the most sinful, the most dirty, and except that Jesus wants to be there with you and then also bring you out of that into freedom and the wholeness. And then on the last screen where you wrote down those questions, write down some answers to those questions after reading through the passage, really write out some answers for yourselves.

Speaker 1:                           08:21                     Get those words out on paper so you can go back and look at them and then spend some time praying that Jesus would take away your shame and for the spirit to allow you to live out of your gospel identity through the finished work of Jesus on the cross. This is the biggest work, the Holy spirit. If you are in Christ, you have the spirit and God wants to work in your life through the spirit. And so if you pray and you’re asking that Jesus would make himself known to you, that he would come in, you would let him into your space and confessing. You’re saying you’re simply creating a, for him to step in, you’re no longer keeping him out. You’re inviting him into this space with you and then pray that Jesus would take away your shame. I mean, Jesus may do a dramatic work in your life like he did the woman’s life and it might take years, but simply just step-by-step, letting him in, confessing your sin, praying, getting into the word acquainting yourself with Jesus and getting familiar with his love.

Speaker 1:                           09:19                     Cause you’re honestly, if we’re we, we are honestly afraid that he doesn’t actually love us. That’s what shame does. It causes unbelief. And so this act of praying and letting the spirit work in you to live out of your gospel identity, uh, is going to give you more confidence in the finished work of Jesus to free you up from further patterns in your sin and shame and will give you more freedom of conscience to love God and love others. Yeah, I was, I’m excited to share with you some more things over the coming weeks and let me know. You saw my email in the first screen. Let me know if you have any questions or want me to flesh this passage out any more with you. I’m excited to share more with you guys. Thanks so much.

  1. If any guy is interested in stopping porn or masturbating they should get some help.  They can look at the no fap movement ( nofap ), covenant eyes, xxx church (xxxchurch), the freedom fight, pure desire, 7 pillars,  the conquer series, and fight the new drug or try to see a counselor. The Endurance would love to help guys. A great start to overcoming porn and masturbation is to take the 30 day challenge.  Go to theendurance.org/30daychallenge to take it. 

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